When There's A Hole in Your Soul

Over the last week, my daily devotionals have been about having a "hole in your soul". She defines a hole in your soul as a "deep, dark well that resides in the core of your being. And the harder you work to fill it with stuff, the bigger the doggone thing gets!" She talks about how we tend to fill it that "hole" with other THINGS such as clothes, romance, status etc. We think we choose the right things to fill the hole in our soul, but OUR choices end up being sinful choices and cause more harm than good in the long-run. He knows what's best for us.

She also talks about how we can have a hole in our soul because we feel that we've been cheated. Cheated out of a happy childhood, cheated out of a loving relationship, cheated out of the wonder of motherhood, cheated out of good health..the list goes on. We start to blame the people who hurt us or the ones that didn't come to our aid when we needed it..sometimes we even blame God. The question she asks is "Have you let your anger and disappoinment fester into bitterness that is now eating a hole in your soul? Will you let the past define your future? Will you continue to fill your hole with stuff?" Sometimes the only way to find peace is to forgive. Being bitter is not fun and makes life miserable. Joel Osteen once said,

" Forgiveness is a choice, but it is not an option."

All the bitterness you let build up starts to eat a hole in your soul, so let forgiveness work as your antacid. Sometimes our unrealistic expectations of others can eventually cause us to have a hole in our soul. I know this one convicted me the most. I often times have expectations of others or expect certain things out of others and in the end, I'm the only one being let down and it's only hurting me. It's twisted of us to think that when we do a favor for someone that we expect something in return. She defines it as a "loan interest", not an act of kindness. When you don't see a payback within a short amount of time, you begin to wonder why you're the only one sacrificing...but eventually...that sort of thinking turns the good deed that you did, sour. She says, "many times those who most need our kindness are incapable--due to worry, fear, grief, confusion, exhaustion or embarrasment--to respond to it all. I finally figured out that it's not an issue regarding their poor manners. It's more of an issue regarding the condition of my heart."

Expecting gratitude turns your good deeds sour.

We set ourselves up for a lifetime of dissapointment when we create rules and expectations for OTHERS to live by. We must be willing to give unconditionally. I know this is certainly something I NEED to work on. Of course being a nurse allows me to give without expecting anything in return, but I must admit that sometimes I would like for my patients, my managers, my co-workers to notice the good things I do and acknowledge them, but I have come to realize that those things aren't always going to happen. Sometimes I will get a patient that I do everything in the world for and for whatever reason, they will never show how grateful they are because they either don't know how or think that they deserve to be treated well. I just have to know and get the satisfaction from knowing I've helped someone and that should be enough.

"You have not lived today until you have done something

for someone who cannot pay you back."

--John Bunyan

Our sunday school class has started a study at night called "Love, Sex & Lasting Relationships" by Chip Ingram. We had the first session last sunday (Valentine's Day) and I must say that I was impressed. The speaker gave some really good points and I am extremely excited for the rest of the study. The first session was basically comparing Hollywood's formula (or the world's view) of lasting relationships vs. God's way of how to make a relationship last.

Hollywood's view is this:

1.)FIND the right person.

2.) FALL in love.

3.) FIX your hopes and dreams of future fulfillment on that person.

4.) If FAILURE occurs, repeat steps 1-3.

God's view is this:

1.) BECOME the right person.

2.) WALK in love.

3.) FIX your hope on God and seek to please Him through your relationship.

Let me tell ya, #1 on God's list was INCREDIBLY convicting for me. I never thought about becoming the right person. I'm always praying for God to prepare my husband for me, but I never think to take a look in the mirror and see what all I need to work on. Sure, lately I know God has been working a lot in my heart and revealing a lot of things to me and this is sure one of them. In this time of singleness, I need to grow in my walk with the Lord because it will not only help me to become a better person, but to be able to WALK in love as well. True and unconditional love ONLY comes from the Father above and until we know His love, we won't be able to truly give and receive any kind of love. That's just a little snippet of what our first lesson was about....more to come! Something he said during the talk that really impacted me was this:

"Love is giving the person what they need the most, when they least deserve it."