Remembering to Breathe....

Do you ever feel helpless? I mean, completely helpless? Like you absolutely don't know what to do? The kind of deep feeling in the very pit of your stomach that won't seem to go away that sometimes is accompanied by that lump in your throat that never ceases? The feeling like you have to keep reminding yourself to breathe? Yeah...well..that seems to be the feeling I have today. Although, all day I have just spent so much time reading God's word and trying to let His words comfort me and for the most part, they have. Psalm 143 absolutely blew me away when I read it. Isn't it funny how you may have read the Bible cover to cover, but then you stumble along a verse later that you may have forgotten and how refreshing it is when you do?? Psalm 143 is lengthy but this is what it says,

"O Lord, hear my prayer,
listen to my cry for mercy;
in your faithfulness and righteousness
come to me relief.
Do not bring your servant into judgment,
for no one living is righteous before you.

The enemy pursues me,
he crushes me to the ground;
he makes me dwell in darkness
like those long dead.
So my spirit grows faint within me;
my heart within me dismayed.

I remember the days of long ago;
I meditate on all your works
and consider what your hand have done.
I spread out my hands to you;
my soul thirsts for you like a parched land.

Answer me quickly, O Lord;
my spirit fails.
Do not hide your face from me.....

Show me the way I should go,
for to you I lift up my soul.
Rescue me from my enemies, O Lord,
for I hide myself in you.
Teach me to do your will,
for you are my God;
may your good spirit lead me on level ground...."

This Psalm is such a cry out to the Lord! It's exactly how I feel right now! David is crying out and asking God not to bring him under judgment for his sinful nature for he knows no one is good enough to be in His prescence and he confesses his sin that the enemy is constantly pursuing him and it hurts him to know that what he does is so displeasing to the Lord. He even is so bold to say, "Answer me quick, O Lord".... WOW!! That's how I feel at this very moment! I want the Lord to breath through me, the speak to me, to guide my steps, to show me what He wants me to do. I think so many times I go to God in prayer and I feel like I can't say those types of things to God, but that shows me that I can! I can cry out to Him, I can ask Him to reveal anything to me, I can beg Him for mercy and quick answers! He is my heavenly Father and because Jesus died on the cross, I am able to do that! How awesome is that?!?!


Something else that really spoke to me was in the book of Hosea. I got in bed last night and flipped to this book...I think sometimes we forget about the small books in the Old Testament, but Hosea really is a great love story. If you have ever read or heard of "Redeeming Love", that books was based off the book of Hosea. Something in Hosea caught my attention along with something I had written in my Bible next to that verse a while back. Verse 6-7 says,

"Therefore I will block her path with thorn bushes;
I will wall her in so that she cannot find her way.
She will chase after her lovers but not catch them;

she will look for them but not find them."

And next to those verses in my Bible I had written, "God says He will thwart our efforts to find life apart from Him. He does this in order to wear us out, get us to turn back to Him in thirsty longing. He often takes us aside from every other source of comfort so that He alone can have our heart's attention". I felt like that was God telling me that I need to be totally complete in Him before I can be ready for someone else. It's like I have all this "junk" that I thought I had dealt with and apparently, I haven't. You know sometimes we think we have given something to God to quickly realize it's right back in our hands? And that's not God's fault by any means...we are totally the ones to blame. Have you ever felt like your walk with God isn't what it could or should be? I know I have felt like that before and sorta feel like that right now....I heard Brother Steve say in a sermon a long time ago that God isn't the one that "moves"; we are. God stays still while we go off and frolic and do what we will and He is there the whole time and then welcomes us back with open arms. How awesome is that? There is a song by Mark Schultz called "Back in His Arms Again" and in the chorus is says,

"I believe that He loves where you are,
I believe that you've seen the hands of God
I believe that you'll know it when you're back in His arms again.
I believe that He never let you go, I believe that He's wanting you to know,
I believe that He'll lead you til you're back in His arms again."

Everybody's growin' up!

So Friday night my brother attended his last prom. He got ready and we went over to his friends house and a big group of them took pictures like we used to do (back in the day it seems) and then they got in their big stretch limo-Navigator thing and went on their way. It's so weird thinking that my little brother is about to graduate high school. It seems like it was only yesterday that I was in the very same place he is....graduating high school...not really knowing exactly what I wanted to do with my life. It's weird to think that I am now doing what I was meant to do (be a nurse), but if you had told me that my SR. year of high school, I probably would have laughed in your face. It wasn't until my 3rd year of college that I knew I wanted to be a nurse and that was my calling. Anyways...here are some pictures..

Another little one that is growing up is little Dacy Caroline (who is referred to as DC). I got to see her for a while yesterday and it was SO great! She was awake when I got there and then she just fell asleep in my arms and I just held her while she slept. It also gave Dacy a chance to get a few little things done that she needed to do. She is so precious and its so neat to look at all her little features and try to figure out who she looks like. I think she is a great combination of Rob and Dacy. She will be 5 weeks this week yet she is still so tiny! Here are some pics of my visit...












She was all laid out!

Slumdog Millionaire

OMG!! I finally watched Slumdog Millionaire today and it was AWESOME!! I absolutely loved it!! Normally I don't go for the Oscar winning movies because to me, they just aren't that good, BUT...I REALLY liked this one. It starts off kinda slow, but if you give it a chance, I promise you will like it!

Weddings, puppies and grown-up worries...

Well..lots has happened this weekend (so far). Work has actually gotten A LOT better. I know I posted last week that I was a little frustrated with things and was uneasy about the nurse that was orienting me, but all of a sudden one day things just got better! My preceptor seemed nicer, things at work just started making a little more sense and all around, everyone was nicer. I still think a lot of gossip goes on there, but anywhere you go, you will find that right? I guess I had an innocent perception of the "grown-up" world. I thought that all the gossip, stabbing people in the back etc. got left in high school/college, but I have quickly realized in my "big girl" world that it doesn't. If anything, it only gets worse and you have to toughen up and not let yourself get sucked into all of that mess. But as far as work itself, it has gotten much better and I feel TONS better about it now.

Friday night after working 3 LONG 12 hr days, I went to hear the band play at the Relay for Life in Auburn.They did a great job and lots of people got involved. I had my first "hey, are you a nurse we need some help" encounter. It wasn't a big one, but it was one. A girl came up to me (b/c I still had on my scrubs from work-gross, I know!) and asked if I was a nurse. She told me her friend was playing around and had fallen and hurt his knee would I come look at it. I told her sure, although I didn't really feel qualified. So, I went over, asked him what happened, tried to "assess" the situation somewhat and gave them my opinion. I don't know if it was a good one, but it was just weird b/c the 2 years that I have been a nurse, I haven't really gotten asked anything like that outside of work.


Saturday we got a new edition to the family, Bella, a yellow lab puppy. My brother mentioned that he wanted a lab puppy for his graduation....and here she is...precious!

We also went to Marie and Steve's wedding. It was so great! I am SO happy for them! Wedding season is in full swing now! Yay for Marie and Steve!!



On a completely different note....one of my frustrations lately is that I really wanna buy a house. It doesn't have to be a really nice, fancy house, but just SOMETHING. I feel like if I pay the high rent prices around here, I could basically be making a house payment and actually investing in something instead of throwing money away on something that I could own. I am SO ready to get out of my parent's house again and be on my own and I feel it's time to be my own person and have complete responsibilities, but it's SO hard to do it ALL on your own...without....(I hate to say it)...another person. I don't mind being just Amy, but at the same time when you are given a situation like this, I can't help but think about the fact that I can't do it alone. Not that I can't physically do it alone, but really financially. I probably COULD do it by myself..but I wouldn't have money for the luxuries that we all love. It's like if I just had ONE more paycheck...it would be great! Sometimes I let it get me down and I know I don't need to. I feel like everyone else that has "grown up" jobs is able to go out and get new cars ( at least I have done that) and buy houses and start their lives and I am still living at home with my parents! uh! I guess my day will come and I just need to continue to try to save money and keep looking. If anyone has any ideas or suggestions....send em my way! I'm open!