The BIG GREEN Monster

We all know that monster..that big green monster that finds it's way into our lives when we least expect it. It's the monster that can cause heartache, distraction, pride and worry. That BIG GREEN monster is what I like to call....jealousy.

This past week, our bible study was on jealousy and although it's hard to admit (out loud), it really spoke to me. After going through this lesson, I was able to admit to myself and to someone else that I have some "jealous" areas in my life that I need to work on. Everything in this lesson is true and spoke volumes to me, so I thought I would share just in case it's something anyone else needed to hear as well.

The Truth About Jealousy

"Just because we see someone advancing before us does not mean that God is withholding His goodness toward us. He may be simply preparing us for what will come in the future."

I know I have had a VERY hard time with this about certain things in my life. I used to not understand why all my friends were getting married and I kept having failed relationship after failed relationship. Now, I see why...God knew I would meet Ben and God was rescuing me from all those other relationships that may have been good, but they weren't God's plan. At times, I don't understand why God hasn't granted me a huge desire of my heart---to have children (when everyone else is having them), but I have to remind myself that He sees the bigger picture as I see only the here and now.

"God loves us with an everlasting love, and He has a plan for our lives. This plan, however, may not unfold at the same time as God's plan for another person. We need to be patient and wait for God to give us His blessings at the right time. When we become jealous, we risk missing His best gifts because we are focused only on what we do not have. When we choose this route, a lot of time can be wasted entertaining feelings of heartache, frustration, worry and envy."

God may as well have been standing right in front of me speaking this to me, because it sure felt like it! I have to remember that Satan's primary goal is to shift my attention/focus away from God and onto my circumstances. The enemy wants me to become jealous, distracted and prideful. Lots of times our circumstances don't make sense to us from our perspective, but from God's point of view, they make perfect sense.

"God knows what we need and what we can handle. He may want to bless us in a certain area, but if He knows we are not ready for the blessing, He will withhold it for a later time. Are you willing to wait?"

Disarming Jealousy

How can we effectively deal with the jealousy in our own lives?

1.) ADMIT that we are envious.

2.) ACKNOWLEDGE that we are in conflict with God.

3.) THANK God for what He has done in our lives. (Mrs. Karen said one time that whenever you feel down and don't understand why something is happening...think of something to be thankful for. It's hard to be mad and thankful at the same time.)

4.) PRAY and ask God to help us see the heart of the other person at the center of conflict.

5.) We need to be willing to WAIT for God to work. (As we wait, we can listen for His voice of instruction.)

6.) ASK God to help us hear His voice over the clamor of the world.

7.) DELIGHT yourself in God. ("Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart."--Psalm 37:4)

I have SO much in my life to be thankful for...I don't want to ruin that by letting the enemy get a foothold with jealousy. I know this lesson really spoke to me, I hope it spoke to you too! :)

On a completely different note, Beth (Ben's sister) had a baby shower today. It was so much fun! I can't wait for my very first niece, Katelyn, to get here at the end of February!

When There's A Hole in Your Soul

Over the last week, my daily devotionals have been about having a "hole in your soul". She defines a hole in your soul as a "deep, dark well that resides in the core of your being. And the harder you work to fill it with stuff, the bigger the doggone thing gets!" She talks about how we tend to fill it that "hole" with other THINGS such as clothes, romance, status etc. We think we choose the right things to fill the hole in our soul, but OUR choices end up being sinful choices and cause more harm than good in the long-run. He knows what's best for us.

She also talks about how we can have a hole in our soul because we feel that we've been cheated. Cheated out of a happy childhood, cheated out of a loving relationship, cheated out of the wonder of motherhood, cheated out of good health..the list goes on. We start to blame the people who hurt us or the ones that didn't come to our aid when we needed it..sometimes we even blame God. The question she asks is "Have you let your anger and disappoinment fester into bitterness that is now eating a hole in your soul? Will you let the past define your future? Will you continue to fill your hole with stuff?" Sometimes the only way to find peace is to forgive. Being bitter is not fun and makes life miserable. Joel Osteen once said,

" Forgiveness is a choice, but it is not an option."

All the bitterness you let build up starts to eat a hole in your soul, so let forgiveness work as your antacid. Sometimes our unrealistic expectations of others can eventually cause us to have a hole in our soul. I know this one convicted me the most. I often times have expectations of others or expect certain things out of others and in the end, I'm the only one being let down and it's only hurting me. It's twisted of us to think that when we do a favor for someone that we expect something in return. She defines it as a "loan interest", not an act of kindness. When you don't see a payback within a short amount of time, you begin to wonder why you're the only one sacrificing...but eventually...that sort of thinking turns the good deed that you did, sour. She says, "many times those who most need our kindness are incapable--due to worry, fear, grief, confusion, exhaustion or embarrasment--to respond to it all. I finally figured out that it's not an issue regarding their poor manners. It's more of an issue regarding the condition of my heart."

Expecting gratitude turns your good deeds sour.

We set ourselves up for a lifetime of dissapointment when we create rules and expectations for OTHERS to live by. We must be willing to give unconditionally. I know this is certainly something I NEED to work on. Of course being a nurse allows me to give without expecting anything in return, but I must admit that sometimes I would like for my patients, my managers, my co-workers to notice the good things I do and acknowledge them, but I have come to realize that those things aren't always going to happen. Sometimes I will get a patient that I do everything in the world for and for whatever reason, they will never show how grateful they are because they either don't know how or think that they deserve to be treated well. I just have to know and get the satisfaction from knowing I've helped someone and that should be enough.

"You have not lived today until you have done something

for someone who cannot pay you back."

--John Bunyan

Our sunday school class has started a study at night called "Love, Sex & Lasting Relationships" by Chip Ingram. We had the first session last sunday (Valentine's Day) and I must say that I was impressed. The speaker gave some really good points and I am extremely excited for the rest of the study. The first session was basically comparing Hollywood's formula (or the world's view) of lasting relationships vs. God's way of how to make a relationship last.

Hollywood's view is this:

1.)FIND the right person.

2.) FALL in love.

3.) FIX your hopes and dreams of future fulfillment on that person.

4.) If FAILURE occurs, repeat steps 1-3.

God's view is this:

1.) BECOME the right person.

2.) WALK in love.

3.) FIX your hope on God and seek to please Him through your relationship.

Let me tell ya, #1 on God's list was INCREDIBLY convicting for me. I never thought about becoming the right person. I'm always praying for God to prepare my husband for me, but I never think to take a look in the mirror and see what all I need to work on. Sure, lately I know God has been working a lot in my heart and revealing a lot of things to me and this is sure one of them. In this time of singleness, I need to grow in my walk with the Lord because it will not only help me to become a better person, but to be able to WALK in love as well. True and unconditional love ONLY comes from the Father above and until we know His love, we won't be able to truly give and receive any kind of love. That's just a little snippet of what our first lesson was about....more to come! Something he said during the talk that really impacted me was this:

"Love is giving the person what they need the most, when they least deserve it."

Letting Go and Letting God

I found this in a little monthly devotional called "Journey" and thought I would share it. It really spoke to me.

"When someone has hurt you, forgiving that person is the only step to take toward growing, healing and moving on. In order to free yourself from chains of bitterness and anger, release any thoughts of revenge.

Forgiveness is an ongoing work of the Holy Spirit, so don't be alarmed if your anger takes a while to fade and doesn't disappear immediately after you've made the choice to forgive someone. Depending on how much you were hurt, you may have to continue to forgive on deeper levels as the Holy Spirit reveals how badly you've been wounded. When life isn't going like we expect it to or want it to, it's time to take a closer look at our expectations. Behind our expectations our pride and self-centeredness give our wishes and desires preeminence. When we get upset because life isn't going like we planned, it often reveals exactly how strongly we believe that we are more deserving or more important than others. The truth is, life does not revolved around us. Plus, we live in a fallen world, so life will most likely not go according to our plans.

When your expectations aren't met, talk to God about it. Acknowledge to Him that His ways aren't always your ways, and ask Him to help you let go of your expectations and depend on Him. When someone's telling us something we don't want to hear, but they're right and we're wrong, it's time for us to swallow our pride, take advice and change....."

My mom actually gave this to me to read and I was like "WOW! if that's not God speaking to me, then I don't know what is!" The last part where it talks about life not going as you had planned...MAN! That is SO me right now. I think lately (just being honest), I have felt a little...down. I can't really put my finger on why exactly, but I think after reading that, it helped me a lot. I think I have just been feeling lately that nothing is going my way. (Sounds like a 5 yr old doesn't it??). It seems like everything I touch is doomed for failure or something. Maybe I am in a depressed mood..I don't really know, but all I know is that I want OUT of this FUNK--NOW!! It's like the devotion said, I know I just need to take that and lay it before God. Let Him know what my expectations are and give all that up to Him. I need to let Him handle it. He knows far better what is best for me than I could EVER imagine. I THINK I know what's best for me, but He has definitely proved me wrong there before. I need to remember times where God has proven himself to me the most and know that He is taking care of me. Even in this season of my life where I feel like nothing is going right...He is there, every step of the way, taking care of me..I just have to let HIM guide my steps. Maybe I haven't been doing that as much as I thought I have...maybe it's time to really hand it all over...but that's the hard part right?? Actually handing it over? I know God is trying to draw me closer to Him right now...now more than ever maybe...and I just need to surrender it all. I am starting the Beth Moore study in the next week or so called "Esther" and let me just tell you--I am PUMPED!! It's gonna be awesomeness! Here is a quote from the study that I found, that I L-O-V-E!!

"Even those most serious about their pursuit of God and godliness fail to be perfect examples all the time.... The mystery is not that an earthly hero can still be flawed and fall to cultural pressures but that God, in His mercy, chooses at times to retain only the snapshots He took when they were standing firm."--Beth Moore